You know that saying “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey”? Well, in my opinion, that’s bull. I hate the “journey” part of traveling. I hate the airport and I hate flying.
My hate for the airport is not necessarily for the “hassle” as much as it is the reasons behind the hassle and the idiots who don’t get it. You have to put all your belongings on display for some stranger to X-ray and then, if you’re lucky, another stranger will then make you open your bag and display all your stuff for the rest of the travelers as well. Then, once you get past the humiliation of walking through a public facility with no shoes on, you must pay $3 for a burnt, tasteless cup of coffee. Plain coffee. It’s another $2 for cream and sugar. All of this “hassle” because a small percentage of people decided they needed to fly planes into buildings to make their point. Or because a few people decided that blowing up a plane with liquid explosives would be a good idea. Thanks.
Then, the other source of the hassle is the fact that people can’t seem to comprehend that 3 oz in a clear plastic bag means 3 oz in a clear plastic bag. Not a big bottle of shaving cream shoved underneath all the stuff in your already too large carry on bag. And yes, ma’am, you do need to take your shoes off. Just do it and stop complaining.
Overall, the “hassle” at the airport is something that is manageable. I hate it, but I handle it.
The act of flying is the other part of the “journey” that I am not in love with. Somehow the idea of being 36,000 feet above the ground is not comforting or exciting. Plus, the seats are so close together that your either have to get really comfortable touching the person next to you for the duration, or you have to fidget like the lady in the hemorrhoid cream commercials in order to avoid physical contact.
Then there’s landing. Racing toward cement at hundreds of miles per hour with only a few small wheels to save you from slamming into the asphalt.
Even with all of these fears and concerns and discomforts, I still do it. I know that, in order to reach my destination, I have to put of all of this scary, uncomfortable and stressful stuff in order to get to where I’m going.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
One more way I annoy all the people that hang out with me...
The other night, I went to see The Taking of Pelham 123 with my friend Ricky. The movie was pretty freakin' awesome and I have to say, John Travolta is the best bad guy ever. When the movie ended, Ricky got up to leave and I didn't.
"What? You're not ready to go?"
"I sit through the credits."
"Haha...what you think there is going to be something at the end?" When I don't move, he gets very awkward and looks around at the rest of the moviegoers filing out of the theater. "You were serious?"
"Yeah I was. I can meet you outside if you'd like."
He then gave me the look that many people do. Bewildered and annoyed.
So here's the thing. I know a lot of people who work in the entertainment industry. And not just actors or directors but teamsters, set dressers, grips, and even caterers and assistants. All of these people get their names in the credits, but 90% of people that go to movies don't bother to sit there and see the name of the guy who drove the truck or the assistant the assistant of Denzel Washington. These are the people who make less than a sixth of what everyone else is making and they are doing the worst job possible and getting no respect for it.
Therefore, at the end of a movie, it is all I can do to spend an extra five minutes to watch the credits and see the name of the guy who picks up the poo of John Travolta's dog. Even if they get no respect from anyone else, they have mine while I watch the names go up to the top of the screen.
"What? You're not ready to go?"
"I sit through the credits."
"Haha...what you think there is going to be something at the end?" When I don't move, he gets very awkward and looks around at the rest of the moviegoers filing out of the theater. "You were serious?"
"Yeah I was. I can meet you outside if you'd like."
He then gave me the look that many people do. Bewildered and annoyed.
So here's the thing. I know a lot of people who work in the entertainment industry. And not just actors or directors but teamsters, set dressers, grips, and even caterers and assistants. All of these people get their names in the credits, but 90% of people that go to movies don't bother to sit there and see the name of the guy who drove the truck or the assistant the assistant of Denzel Washington. These are the people who make less than a sixth of what everyone else is making and they are doing the worst job possible and getting no respect for it.
Therefore, at the end of a movie, it is all I can do to spend an extra five minutes to watch the credits and see the name of the guy who picks up the poo of John Travolta's dog. Even if they get no respect from anyone else, they have mine while I watch the names go up to the top of the screen.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I will always be a Zack Morris kind of girl...
In the 10th grade, my Pre-Cal teacher, Mr. Peebles, issued us a challenge. We had all completely bombed a test and, since tests were 90 percent of our grade, he decided to offer up a chance to get some extra credit. The rules were simple: come up with a question about Saved by the Bell that he could not answer. Only questions having to do within the realm of the show were acceptable, therefore no bullshit questions like “What was the name of the actor who played the nerd Screech took Tori Spelling away from?” (Jeffrey Asch). Being the competitive person that I am, I decided that I didn’t want to win for the extra credit. I wanted to crush Peebles.
Peebles was one of those teachers who taught you by forcing you to grow up and take responsibility for the work you did. Or don’t do, as was the case with me. He was also a bit of a jerk who knew which buttons to push in order to make you work, but somehow keep you motivated instead of making you want to quit. He could joke around with you and insult you and yet, you came out of it feeling like you were smarter. However, I don’t like cocky people, so my goal was to make sure I brought him down off of his high horse.
I grew up watching Saved By the Bell. The only reason I would wake up before 10 on a Saturday morning was to watch. (Ok, maybe I also got up to watch Power Rangers. Whatever…Tommy was hot….and still is based on the images I found on Google…) So, when Peebles brought up the challenge, I reached into the farthest corners of my brain to pull up that useless knowledge taking up space I should have been using for Pre-Cal.
We had one class period to come up with our question. We were not allowed to check the Internet or go home and do research on our stash of videos. With 20 minutes left in class, we all started asking our questions. As he worked his way around the room, I realized that there really wasn’t any question Peebles couldn’t answer.
Who were the original cast members? (Zack, Mr. Belding, Lisa, Screech)
Where did they live when the show originally started? (INdianappolis, Indiana) What was the name of the all girl group Lisa, Kelly and Jessie formed? (Hot Sundae)
What was the name of Tori Spelling’s character? (Violet Bickerstaff)
None of these even made Peebles hesitate. I was the last one to go and I smiled my most vicious smile. “What was the name of Jessie’s stepbrother?”
Pause.
“Umm…Hang on.” He was sweating. “I know this.” More sweat and now a bit of a nervous shake. “I….don’t…know?” Yeah. I stumped him.
Here’s the problem though: I also stumped myself. He never said anything about having to actually know the answer! I left class feeling horrible. I had done the impossible in stumping the self-proclaimed King of Saved By the Bell trivia, but I had lost on a non-verbalized technicality.
Two classes later, it was still bugging me. I was in Spanish and should have been focusing on how to conjugate verbs, but all I could think about was the name of Jessie’s brother. I was deep in thought when the door opened. I was Peebles. He didn’t say anything, just walked up to the white board, wrote “Eric” and walked back out. Needless to say, I still wasn’t focusing on the correct conjugation of “trabajar.”
Now, almost 10 years later, I am back to thinking about this story. Why? Jimmy Fallon is trying to get the class back together. Only two more cast members need to confirm and those of us who are Bayside Tigers at heart will have our dreams come true. Now if only Jimmy Fallon would reunite the original Power Rangers…plus Tommy.
Peebles was one of those teachers who taught you by forcing you to grow up and take responsibility for the work you did. Or don’t do, as was the case with me. He was also a bit of a jerk who knew which buttons to push in order to make you work, but somehow keep you motivated instead of making you want to quit. He could joke around with you and insult you and yet, you came out of it feeling like you were smarter. However, I don’t like cocky people, so my goal was to make sure I brought him down off of his high horse.
I grew up watching Saved By the Bell. The only reason I would wake up before 10 on a Saturday morning was to watch. (Ok, maybe I also got up to watch Power Rangers. Whatever…Tommy was hot….and still is based on the images I found on Google…) So, when Peebles brought up the challenge, I reached into the farthest corners of my brain to pull up that useless knowledge taking up space I should have been using for Pre-Cal.
We had one class period to come up with our question. We were not allowed to check the Internet or go home and do research on our stash of videos. With 20 minutes left in class, we all started asking our questions. As he worked his way around the room, I realized that there really wasn’t any question Peebles couldn’t answer.
Who were the original cast members? (Zack, Mr. Belding, Lisa, Screech)
Where did they live when the show originally started? (INdianappolis, Indiana) What was the name of the all girl group Lisa, Kelly and Jessie formed? (Hot Sundae)
What was the name of Tori Spelling’s character? (Violet Bickerstaff)
None of these even made Peebles hesitate. I was the last one to go and I smiled my most vicious smile. “What was the name of Jessie’s stepbrother?”
Pause.
“Umm…Hang on.” He was sweating. “I know this.” More sweat and now a bit of a nervous shake. “I….don’t…know?” Yeah. I stumped him.
Here’s the problem though: I also stumped myself. He never said anything about having to actually know the answer! I left class feeling horrible. I had done the impossible in stumping the self-proclaimed King of Saved By the Bell trivia, but I had lost on a non-verbalized technicality.
Two classes later, it was still bugging me. I was in Spanish and should have been focusing on how to conjugate verbs, but all I could think about was the name of Jessie’s brother. I was deep in thought when the door opened. I was Peebles. He didn’t say anything, just walked up to the white board, wrote “Eric” and walked back out. Needless to say, I still wasn’t focusing on the correct conjugation of “trabajar.”
Now, almost 10 years later, I am back to thinking about this story. Why? Jimmy Fallon is trying to get the class back together. Only two more cast members need to confirm and those of us who are Bayside Tigers at heart will have our dreams come true. Now if only Jimmy Fallon would reunite the original Power Rangers…plus Tommy.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
How House became a Home...
For some reason, I’m really good at enjoying shows that have been on for a long time or are about to go off the air. I didn’t start watching Sex and the City until it was off the air. I didn’t get into Gilmore Girls until the last season. I didn't even start watching That 70’s Show regularly until Donna went blond. So, now I am of course into House.
The first few times I watched House I did not enjoy it. I thought House was a jerk no one could ever like. He put everyone down and is rude and mean and has a drug problem. He might be brilliant but I didn’t find that enough of a reason to watch. I remember thinking that glorifying someone like this is a bad idea. The only reason I was able to get through those first three episodes was, to be completely honest, Omar Epps. Shocking right?
Then, of course, USA started airing the repeats. Normally I wouldn’t watch the show that is taking away the airtime of my favorite show to watch in syndication. (SVU) But, I was bored and sometimes House can be funny. (“Yeah, I’ve been training for Pants Off Dance Off.” Anything with a Pants Off Dance Off reference is good by me.) (If you don’t know what Pants Off Dance Off is, Google it. Your life will never be the same. Whole different blog…) I slowly realized that House, while an expert in misanthropy, is actually the most honest character on television. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy nothing more than brutal honesty.
Yes, there are times when I think he goes too far and when I don’t actually believe any human being could be that mean or break that many rules. But there are also times when he gives in and becomes human and that what makes it brilliant. TV shows are entertaining because of the unpredictable, and no matter how well I can correctly guess how the plot of an episode will go, I have yet to guess how House’s character will react and the direction he will take. It keeps me watching and hoping that he’ll one day get out of his misery and hoping that he never will.
Which is why I bought the first four seasons at Target in the past two weeks. Best money I’ve spent in a long time.
The first few times I watched House I did not enjoy it. I thought House was a jerk no one could ever like. He put everyone down and is rude and mean and has a drug problem. He might be brilliant but I didn’t find that enough of a reason to watch. I remember thinking that glorifying someone like this is a bad idea. The only reason I was able to get through those first three episodes was, to be completely honest, Omar Epps. Shocking right?
Then, of course, USA started airing the repeats. Normally I wouldn’t watch the show that is taking away the airtime of my favorite show to watch in syndication. (SVU) But, I was bored and sometimes House can be funny. (“Yeah, I’ve been training for Pants Off Dance Off.” Anything with a Pants Off Dance Off reference is good by me.) (If you don’t know what Pants Off Dance Off is, Google it. Your life will never be the same. Whole different blog…) I slowly realized that House, while an expert in misanthropy, is actually the most honest character on television. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy nothing more than brutal honesty.
Yes, there are times when I think he goes too far and when I don’t actually believe any human being could be that mean or break that many rules. But there are also times when he gives in and becomes human and that what makes it brilliant. TV shows are entertaining because of the unpredictable, and no matter how well I can correctly guess how the plot of an episode will go, I have yet to guess how House’s character will react and the direction he will take. It keeps me watching and hoping that he’ll one day get out of his misery and hoping that he never will.
Which is why I bought the first four seasons at Target in the past two weeks. Best money I’ve spent in a long time.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A little picky is fine...High maintenance is not
It takes a lot for me to find someone truly high maintenance. I am used to people being uber picky about how they want their drinks, but every once in awhile, I get a customer who makes me glad that I only have to deal with them at work. If I had to hang out with these people, I'd probably be in jail for murder.
The other morning, this guy came in. He was wearing a nice striped button down with navy slacks and really didn't have any of the tell-tale markers of a high maintenance person (Bluetooth headseat, executive notebook, very large purse with three different agendas, and pretty much anyone who, at 5 am, looks like they've been up for 2 hours to put themselves together). Then he orderd, and it was a whole new level of fastidiousness.
"I'd like, in a paper cup, a Venti Coffee Frap." Pause to make sure I got that he wanted his cold drink in a paper cup. I kept to myself the fact that if you put a Frap in a paper cup, the cup will become soggy and leak all over his perfectly-pressed pants. (Yes, after his first sentence I started noticing all the little things that made him picky. He didn't keep cash in a wallet but kept it in a money clip. All of them were new bills. God forbid there's a wrinkle in that 20.)
"With no Whip." Pretty normal for, well, everyone in LA. Not too annoying.
"With an add shot blended in." Pretty normal for anytime before 10 am. Again, not too annoying, but getting there.
"With one and a half scoops of tall ice." Shit. Just when he only borded on picky, he became high maintenance.
I know what you're thinking. How come with just one line he became high maintenance? Well, here's the thing. If I have to walk over to the bar and read the instructions to the person making the drinks, your bitchass is high maintenance. Demanding, picky, stubborn, controlling; all of these are understandable, but just plain high maintenance is not. You're holding up everyone else and you are making my job a lot tougher than it needs to be. Not to mention the fact that you're getting shit you don't need in a very complicated way and it makes you look like a complete fool.
So, the next time you are in Starbucks or at a restaurant, think about what you're ordering. If it involves changing more than two things, don't get it. You probably don't need that decaf, half soy, half nonfat, 190 degree, no foam, one pump mocha, one pump cinnamon dulce, no whip latte. Save your money for something imporant. Like shoes.
The other morning, this guy came in. He was wearing a nice striped button down with navy slacks and really didn't have any of the tell-tale markers of a high maintenance person (Bluetooth headseat, executive notebook, very large purse with three different agendas, and pretty much anyone who, at 5 am, looks like they've been up for 2 hours to put themselves together). Then he orderd, and it was a whole new level of fastidiousness.
"I'd like, in a paper cup, a Venti Coffee Frap." Pause to make sure I got that he wanted his cold drink in a paper cup. I kept to myself the fact that if you put a Frap in a paper cup, the cup will become soggy and leak all over his perfectly-pressed pants. (Yes, after his first sentence I started noticing all the little things that made him picky. He didn't keep cash in a wallet but kept it in a money clip. All of them were new bills. God forbid there's a wrinkle in that 20.)
"With no Whip." Pretty normal for, well, everyone in LA. Not too annoying.
"With an add shot blended in." Pretty normal for anytime before 10 am. Again, not too annoying, but getting there.
"With one and a half scoops of tall ice." Shit. Just when he only borded on picky, he became high maintenance.
I know what you're thinking. How come with just one line he became high maintenance? Well, here's the thing. If I have to walk over to the bar and read the instructions to the person making the drinks, your bitchass is high maintenance. Demanding, picky, stubborn, controlling; all of these are understandable, but just plain high maintenance is not. You're holding up everyone else and you are making my job a lot tougher than it needs to be. Not to mention the fact that you're getting shit you don't need in a very complicated way and it makes you look like a complete fool.
So, the next time you are in Starbucks or at a restaurant, think about what you're ordering. If it involves changing more than two things, don't get it. You probably don't need that decaf, half soy, half nonfat, 190 degree, no foam, one pump mocha, one pump cinnamon dulce, no whip latte. Save your money for something imporant. Like shoes.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Reason number 898,974 that proves people are idiots...
Guy in line to Bianca, who is at the register: Tell me about your Shaken Iced Tea.
Bianca: Sure. What would you like to know?
Guy: Is it iced?
Bianca: (Without smiling or showing any sign of her assessment of what an idiot this guy was) Umm...yeah....
I let out a snort that I tried to cover up as a cough and the girl with the guy in line just went "HA!" The guy didn't get it.
What I really wanted to say: No, dipshit, it's called Iced Tea because we enjoy fooling customers and then answering dumb questions to waste our time and frustrate our employees.
By the way, anyone who told you "There's no such thing as a stupid question" is someone who asks stupid questions and you should never take advice from them.
Bianca: Sure. What would you like to know?
Guy: Is it iced?
Bianca: (Without smiling or showing any sign of her assessment of what an idiot this guy was) Umm...yeah....
I let out a snort that I tried to cover up as a cough and the girl with the guy in line just went "HA!" The guy didn't get it.
What I really wanted to say: No, dipshit, it's called Iced Tea because we enjoy fooling customers and then answering dumb questions to waste our time and frustrate our employees.
By the way, anyone who told you "There's no such thing as a stupid question" is someone who asks stupid questions and you should never take advice from them.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Why Living in LA Sometimes Doesn't Suck
There are very few things that are truly cool about my dad being a teamster for ABC(i.e. one of the guys in the trucks who drives all the shit needed for the show from one place to the set) (AKA, that asshole who just cut you off when you were getting on the freeway because he's bigger and stronger than you. You know you've seen him). Honestly, the production of a TV show is REALLY boring and tedious, followed by about 20 minutes of actual action. It involves sitting around waiting to do your part on the show, whether it's decorate the set, set up the lights, or do the actual performing/directing/acting, and then waiting some more to do the next part of your job. Trust me, even if you are a tourist and someone takes you backstage to see your fave show, you're getting the put-your-best-face-on-and-make-it-look-interesting version of how it all actually works.
That being said, one of the best things about my dad being a teamster is that he works on Jimmy Kimmel Live sometimes, and therefore knows everyone that works there, including the security guards. Therefore, when someone I really want to see is going to be performing, I can not only get in to see the show, I can get in to see the sound check.(And they don't say anything about my expired ID) (Did I forget to mention that I sometimes work as a teamster? My bad) Well yesterday, one of my favorite groups was performing. You may have heard of them...The Black Eyed Peas. (Insert envy here.)
The best thing about seeing the sound checks is getting to see what the performers are really like. Not the "performance" part of the person, but the "professional" part of the person. When I saw Maroon 5 do their sound check, it was more entertaining than the actual show because they were just jamming, playing everything from Metallica to the Beatles. They were all having a good time and seemed like a cohesive group. Usher was the most professional person I've ever seen. He was insitent on doing all the choreography and making sure that everyone was singing on pitch and that the drums weren't too loud. Jay-Z was scary because there were "security" guys on the roof guns. BEP was a different story.
Not to say they didn't get along, but you could see that Will.I.Am is kind of a diva, Fergie was, well, confused and had obviously not rehersed much, Taboo couldn't say focused for more than 2 seconds and apl.de.ap was a bit, um, out of place. (The backup dancers, who had been going over the routine before the band came on stage, looked like they'd been doing it for years, even though 2 of them had just learned it.) Will was running around and saying hi to everyone and not doing any of the choreography, instead choosing make inappropriate hand gestures with his mic. And yes, I laughed at each one. Fergie just looked baffled. She couldn't get all the moves and couldn't remember the lyrics a few time through. Taboo kept looking around and talking to anyone within a foot of him. I can't tell you how many times the manager had to yell "Tab!" during the sound check to get him back into place. Apl kept bouncing from working on the choreography to leaning on one of the giant blow up robots, to messing with his mic and, my favorite, standing there like the kid at a party who doesn't really know where to go so stares at the ground instead.
Through all of this, they still put on a good show. "Boom Boom Pow" wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but I think it's becuase this was their first time performing it and they, obviously, didn't go over it enough. They did a few of their other songs and that's when it was really entertaining. They looked like they knew what they were doing and were really into it, making the crowd get into it.
I did catch a quick glimpse of Fergie when she was walking back from the stage and I got a nod and a smile. She is MUCH prettier in person. Being the professional that I am, I refused to turn into a screaming fan so I just smiled at her and tried not to tell her she looked like the alien version of Princess Leia with those wierd green things on her ears.
That being said, one of the best things about my dad being a teamster is that he works on Jimmy Kimmel Live sometimes, and therefore knows everyone that works there, including the security guards. Therefore, when someone I really want to see is going to be performing, I can not only get in to see the show, I can get in to see the sound check.(And they don't say anything about my expired ID) (Did I forget to mention that I sometimes work as a teamster? My bad) Well yesterday, one of my favorite groups was performing. You may have heard of them...The Black Eyed Peas. (Insert envy here.)
The best thing about seeing the sound checks is getting to see what the performers are really like. Not the "performance" part of the person, but the "professional" part of the person. When I saw Maroon 5 do their sound check, it was more entertaining than the actual show because they were just jamming, playing everything from Metallica to the Beatles. They were all having a good time and seemed like a cohesive group. Usher was the most professional person I've ever seen. He was insitent on doing all the choreography and making sure that everyone was singing on pitch and that the drums weren't too loud. Jay-Z was scary because there were "security" guys on the roof guns. BEP was a different story.
Not to say they didn't get along, but you could see that Will.I.Am is kind of a diva, Fergie was, well, confused and had obviously not rehersed much, Taboo couldn't say focused for more than 2 seconds and apl.de.ap was a bit, um, out of place. (The backup dancers, who had been going over the routine before the band came on stage, looked like they'd been doing it for years, even though 2 of them had just learned it.) Will was running around and saying hi to everyone and not doing any of the choreography, instead choosing make inappropriate hand gestures with his mic. And yes, I laughed at each one. Fergie just looked baffled. She couldn't get all the moves and couldn't remember the lyrics a few time through. Taboo kept looking around and talking to anyone within a foot of him. I can't tell you how many times the manager had to yell "Tab!" during the sound check to get him back into place. Apl kept bouncing from working on the choreography to leaning on one of the giant blow up robots, to messing with his mic and, my favorite, standing there like the kid at a party who doesn't really know where to go so stares at the ground instead.
Through all of this, they still put on a good show. "Boom Boom Pow" wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but I think it's becuase this was their first time performing it and they, obviously, didn't go over it enough. They did a few of their other songs and that's when it was really entertaining. They looked like they knew what they were doing and were really into it, making the crowd get into it.
I did catch a quick glimpse of Fergie when she was walking back from the stage and I got a nod and a smile. She is MUCH prettier in person. Being the professional that I am, I refused to turn into a screaming fan so I just smiled at her and tried not to tell her she looked like the alien version of Princess Leia with those wierd green things on her ears.
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