Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Look in the mirror before leaving the house next time, please...

I knew when I went to Saddle Ranch at City Walk on Saturday that I’d be in for a real blog-worthy treat. But really, it was more akin to diabetic shock.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a place like Saddle Ranch. I forget how bad it can be.

We went there for Flo’s birthday and had dinner, which is actually pretty good and not too expensive. The drinks are expensive, but that’s to be expected. After we ate, Flo was so full, she said we needed to dance it of, which I am always down for. So, we gave up our table and risked going out to the dance floor. We did a couple of Redheaded Sluts (the shots), gave her friend our bags and jackets, and headed to the dance floor.

It didn’t start out too bad. I knew it would be crowded, but honestly, after about five minutes of dancing, I was so smashed in that I was no longer dancing, but bouncing around to a beat with five hundred other people. We could barely move and whenever we did, there would be some short chick right at elbow level that I thought I would take out. Now, I love to go to clubs and dance because I have a lot of fun, but if I can’t even move, then it’s no longer fun. I need some space to do my thing, thank you.

We left the floor and stood outside and just people-watched for a little bit. Which, as it turns out, was a lot more fun.

It's all about the outfits. I wasn't surprised, but all of the other stuff we saw people do was not even remotely interesting compared to just looking at the clothes.

It never ceases to amaze me what girls think makes them look good. I’m all for wearing skimpy clothes when you go out, but if you’ve got a little extra, cover that shit up. There were girls wearing dresses so short that their ass was showing out the bottom. There were girls with guts bigger than Saint Nick’s wearing spandex shirts and tiny shorts. My favorite, however, had to be the 300 pound girl who was wearing a men’s white button down shirt belted and a pair of heels and nothing else. Sorry, she was wearing a red thong. I know this because I could see it through the white shirt. I get the menswear shirt and heels, but if you're not a stick, then just say no. Wear the shirt with a cute pair of jeans and it would have looked hot. And put the red thong away and pull it out for the guy who wants to see it. Cuz I REALLY don't.

The thing that got me even more was the fact that for every group of girls in these outfits, there was at least one girl who looked put together. Either these chicks want their friends to look like idiots so they look good, or the genuinely think their girls look hot with their flabby asses and sagging bellies hanging out.

When I used to go out more, I knew what to show off and what I needed to cover up. I have great boobs, so I would buy shirts that would show them off. I had no problem going out with a ton of cleavage because if I’m going to wear something slutty, they are my best assets. I would then cover up the rest with jeans or shorts with an appropriate length. I would also never tell my friends that they looked good if they looked like a streetwalker. I might say, “C, my love, you look like a streetwalker” and then she chose to go out looking like that, but I would never let her wear something truly unflattering.

This is proof of why I don’t like to hang out with girls. Girls will play games where they try to make their friends look less hot in order to make themselves look better. It’s the Ugly Bridesmaid Theory, and I don’t like it.

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