Saturday, February 28, 2009

Holy crap, I'm growing up...

My cousin Cheryl has a baby. My cousin Lisa is pregnant. Ed got married. Iisha has her Master's. Beckie is going to be a doctor soon. Molly is in Spain. C is in New York. People call me Kimberly. Now, the real proof that I am getting older, I am planning my first Bachelorette Party. Is it sad that I'm more excited about this than I am about...well anything?

Here's the story: My good friend Torrey is getting married, but she's doing it in Hawaii. Unfortunately, in my current financial state, I am not able to make it to the wedding. I really can't even begin to say how sad I am that I can't make it happen, but, my other friend and I have decided that since we can't make the big shindig to celebrate her nuptials, we might as well throw her the best "exiting the single world" party ever! Although we haven’t gotten beyond the “we are going to plan you a bachelorette party!” phase, I’m sure it’s going to fun.

The thing is, it’s made me really think about how old I’m getting. I mean, not “old” in the Denny’s-early-bird-special kind of way, but in the my-friends-and-family-are-getting-married-and-having-kids-and-working-real-jobs-following-their-dreams kind of way. I have friends that are going to med school and have gotten their Master’s and are making money. Not necessarily great money, but anything beyond minimum wage is a step up.

I pay bills. I go to bars. I have friends in different cities, states and even countries. I drink coffee. A lot. I do and have all of these things that, five years ago, I considered only grownups to have or do. Now, thinking about it, it’s really strange. Although, I wouldn’t really consider myself a grownup. I still enjoy cartoons and the color pink and, come on, what’s more fun than coloring?

*So, as a little update: I was on the phone with Cierra earlier and we realized that we have been friends for 10 years. If that doesn't give me the "Holy shit, I'm getting older feeling" then I don't know what will....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I would like to thank Hugh Jackman for being hot and Queen Latifah for being awesome

Here are my Oscar random thoughts (most of them as they happened)

Hugh Jackman is possibly the perfect man. One minute, he’s signing and dancing. Then he’s engaging in witty (or not so witty but still funny) banter. Next, I see a trailer of him ripping someone to shreds with no shirt on. Perfection.

The people who made the “made in my garage” sets for the opening should have let the dancing kids make it. It would have been better.

Anne Hathaway went from being the best dressed on the red carpet to wearing a HIDEOUS costume. Come on. Give her something a little better than that.

Goldie Hawn is what I hope to look like at her age. Or Angelica Huston.

Whoopi Goldberg will never stop being funny to me. And Ghost was a great movie.

Poor Amy Adams bawling in the front row before the award was even announced. Now girl, you’re gonna ruin that beautifully done make up. But at least you lost so Meryl can let you borrow her compact.

Molly or Angelica, I need a translation on what Penelope Cruz said.

I really need to see Slumdog Millionaire. And read the book.

Wow. Someone who wrote a movie about politics and won went up and made a political speech. Shocking.

Jack Black is a jackass but still funny. And Jennifer Aniston did a great ob of trying not to look at Brad and Angelina. Hmm…Jennifer is in white and Angelina is in black. Wow, symbolism is a bitch!

Duh, Pixar/Disney is gonna win. Who else can create a film about a robot that doesn’t speak and make everyone go “Awww…how cute is he?”

Where do you see animated shorts? How do they get nominated for Oscars? I don’t get it…But I would love some insight!

Sarah Jessica Parker presenting for makeup and costumes. Shocking.

A movie with Elizabethan costumes won. Once again, shocking.

I really hate Beyonce.
And Vanessa Hudgens.
And Zac Efron.
But I love Amanda Seyfried. And the number was pretty cute too. Damn you all.

Where is Javier Bardem?!

I had no idea that Buffy had an Oscar winner on it! Granted he was only on like 2 episodes, but still! Hmm…Maybe I need to see Cabaret.

Cuba is pretty funny. But he’s starting to look a little old. Or thin. Or something.

I can’t believe that Robert Downey Jr. was nominated. It must have been a slow year for supporting actors.

Why don’t I ever go see the documentaries? They always look so interesting.

Is it bad that I saw more of the action films than anything else? Or that I could name more of the actors in them?

Will Smith is fine. Jada, you are one lucky bitch
Dark Knight was badass.

I really need to see Slumdog.

I thought for sure Eddie Murphy would try to do something funny. Alas, I was wrong.

How old is Jerry Lewis?

I hate Zac Efron. Even more because he got to stand with Alicia Keys. Who looks so amazing in that mauve dress. (Sidenote from later: Further proof that Alicia Keys is awesome: Her heel was broken throughout that whole presentation. You go girl!)

Ok, I get it. Slumdog is really awesome. Can anything else win? Please? Wall-E?

Apparently not.

Queen Latifah is one classy broad. And talented too. That blue dress is fabulous. I love that she can pull off a fishtail gown without looking silly.

Ok, so I’ve decided that I can never see Slumdog. It is now so hyped up that if I see it, it will only disappoint me. Therefore, I will not be seeing it. Really, who remembers the winners at the Oscars? It’s all about the fashion anyway.

Ron Howard was robbed. Next time, I say he wears his baseball hat.

Sofia Loren looks DAMN good for a 70 year old woman. And Halle Berry looks fabulous for a new mom. Nicole Kidman is proof that tall girls aren’t always gawky and uncomfortable.

If you haven’t seen The Reader, do so. Then you will understand why Kate Winslet truly deserved the award. If you disagree, suck it.

Oh, Bobby DeNiro, you slay me. I think you should be English because then you can be introduced like Sir Ben Kingsley. I wish they had a camera backstage to show if Adrian Brody sexually assaulted Halle Berry again.

I really need to see Milk.

So overall, I that it was a good show. It had a lot of emotion, a lot of drama, and some really entertaining elements. I don’t think it was as surprising as they were making it out to be, but getting some of the best actors in the business to appear is, of course, always great to see. I’m really glad that Kate Winslet and Heath Ledger won because they are the only two I actually cared about.

Now, I’m going to get all of that seriousness out of me by watching something stupid. It’s between Bring It On and Footloose. How will I choose?!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Back after a break....

Geez. It's been awhile since I've posted. I would feel bad if I wasn't so busy. I got this internship that has been taking up quite a bit of my time, so I have totally fallen behind on my blog. I know I shouldn't fall behind like this, but having two jobs is really tough! Haha...moving on...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Didn't your mother ever teach you to use your words not your fists? (Or some other form of a "deadly weapon")

I’m not going to pretend like I know everything that is going on because I don’t. I, just like everyone else, only knows what EVERY SINGLE NEW STATION, SITE, OUTLET, WHATEVER is reporting. Chris Brown “assaulted” Rihanna with a “deadly weapon.” Way to live up to the stereotype, dumbass.

Even if the charges end up being dropped, the fact that she had to go to the police in first place is suspect. Something had to happen for her to go the police and even if he never gets convicted and it ends up being just another argument that the media blew way out of proportion, she still needed to go to the police and the police found enough plausibility in her story to bring charges against him. He will always be known as just another hip-hop artist who beat up his girlfriend.

I will say this, though. He gets mad props for turning himself in instead of going to the Grammys or running. By turning himself in, it shows a level maturity and a bit of remorse for what he did. I can respect that, even if I think there is never an excuse for beating another human being.

On the up side, I am really glad that Rihanna went to the police. There are a lot of women who let violence against them go unnoticed. By seeing someone like Rihanna step forward against a man that everyone has watched grow up and who many love as if they knew him personally, I hope that many more women will find the strength they need to get out of harmful relationships.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

You and your truck need to go find a field somewhere and leave the rest of us alone...

Someone explain this to me, because I just don't get it.

I was at Target today, which I knew was a bad idea. Saturday afternoon at Target? Come on. But anyway, I'm driving out to leave and this big ass truck is coming at me. Literally, coming at me. The guy driving had no idea that he was taking up the ENTIRE lane. I thought that maybe he just didn't know that anyone was driving by him, because who doesn't catch themselves driving down the middle of an empty parking lot lane every once in awhile? But he wasn't getting over so I started to get nervous and, after getting over as far as I could, I honked. The guy got mad at me, like how dare I try to drive down the same lane as he is. He gets over just enough for me to be 2 inches from the parked cars on the right and about 1 inch from his truck. He tried to shout obscenities at me, but we all know that I'm great at shit talking, so I won. Plus I'm louder than anyone in the world, so the whole parking lot heard me when I yelled, "You redneck fuckhead! If you're gonna drive a big, white trash truck, at least have the decency to know how to drive it when you're outside the trailer park!" The girl in the passenger seat laughed out loud, which turned the guy's anger from me onto her. I love it.

But seriously though, why do people buy these huge trucks and then not know how to drive them? Taking up a whole lane in a parking lot is completely unacceptable. Then, when they park, they take up two spots when one will suffice because they have no idea the true size of their vehicle. I would really love for someone to explain to me why you spend thousands of dollars on something you won't be bothered to learn to drive?

I guess it's just one of those things I will never understand...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Stupid people should have their tubes tied...

I have decided that I am going to have children eventually. Shocking right?

This decision came to me last night, when I realized that the idiotic pregnant woman who came into work was going to be raising a child to grow up and be idiotic and have more idiotic children. I realized that was the problem.

Smart, successful women, the ones that should be having kids and raising them to be smart and successful, are the ones that have stopped having children. I know a lot of women who have great careers, yet they don't want to have children because of these fabulous careers. If these women would embrace the motherhood gene and have kids, then maybe the people I serve at Starbucks will be able to tell the difference between a cup of coffee and a white mocha.

Therefore, in order to help make the world a smarter place. But this won't be for many, many, many, many years. (There were a lot of other manys but I refrained.)

Monday, February 2, 2009

It's my own physical comedy routine...

So I was at the supermarket today and I did something I haven’t done in quite awhile: I ran into something because I was checking out a hot guy.

He was walking in right when I checked out, so the whole walk to the door was me watching him. He walked up to the deli counter and stood there looking at the case while I thought about how nice it would be to be that meat because that means that he would be checking me out. He was black, about my height, well built, and very good looking. Usually, when I see someone like this, I’m far enough away so that when I make a fool of myself, I’m the only one who notices. Oh, but not today.

As I was walking out the door, I had to turn my head almost completely around in order to continue my stare and, well, I slammed my right shoulder into the doorframe, only missing slamming my head by about an inch. Yeah, there was a loud expletive that came out of my mouth. Yeah, it hurt like hell. And, OOOOOH yeah, he saw. And laughed. It was such a sexy laugh, my pain went away.

Until I got to my car.