Sunday, February 22, 2009

I would like to thank Hugh Jackman for being hot and Queen Latifah for being awesome

Here are my Oscar random thoughts (most of them as they happened)

Hugh Jackman is possibly the perfect man. One minute, he’s signing and dancing. Then he’s engaging in witty (or not so witty but still funny) banter. Next, I see a trailer of him ripping someone to shreds with no shirt on. Perfection.

The people who made the “made in my garage” sets for the opening should have let the dancing kids make it. It would have been better.

Anne Hathaway went from being the best dressed on the red carpet to wearing a HIDEOUS costume. Come on. Give her something a little better than that.

Goldie Hawn is what I hope to look like at her age. Or Angelica Huston.

Whoopi Goldberg will never stop being funny to me. And Ghost was a great movie.

Poor Amy Adams bawling in the front row before the award was even announced. Now girl, you’re gonna ruin that beautifully done make up. But at least you lost so Meryl can let you borrow her compact.

Molly or Angelica, I need a translation on what Penelope Cruz said.

I really need to see Slumdog Millionaire. And read the book.

Wow. Someone who wrote a movie about politics and won went up and made a political speech. Shocking.

Jack Black is a jackass but still funny. And Jennifer Aniston did a great ob of trying not to look at Brad and Angelina. Hmm…Jennifer is in white and Angelina is in black. Wow, symbolism is a bitch!

Duh, Pixar/Disney is gonna win. Who else can create a film about a robot that doesn’t speak and make everyone go “Awww…how cute is he?”

Where do you see animated shorts? How do they get nominated for Oscars? I don’t get it…But I would love some insight!

Sarah Jessica Parker presenting for makeup and costumes. Shocking.

A movie with Elizabethan costumes won. Once again, shocking.

I really hate Beyonce.
And Vanessa Hudgens.
And Zac Efron.
But I love Amanda Seyfried. And the number was pretty cute too. Damn you all.

Where is Javier Bardem?!

I had no idea that Buffy had an Oscar winner on it! Granted he was only on like 2 episodes, but still! Hmm…Maybe I need to see Cabaret.

Cuba is pretty funny. But he’s starting to look a little old. Or thin. Or something.

I can’t believe that Robert Downey Jr. was nominated. It must have been a slow year for supporting actors.

Why don’t I ever go see the documentaries? They always look so interesting.

Is it bad that I saw more of the action films than anything else? Or that I could name more of the actors in them?

Will Smith is fine. Jada, you are one lucky bitch
Dark Knight was badass.

I really need to see Slumdog.

I thought for sure Eddie Murphy would try to do something funny. Alas, I was wrong.

How old is Jerry Lewis?

I hate Zac Efron. Even more because he got to stand with Alicia Keys. Who looks so amazing in that mauve dress. (Sidenote from later: Further proof that Alicia Keys is awesome: Her heel was broken throughout that whole presentation. You go girl!)

Ok, I get it. Slumdog is really awesome. Can anything else win? Please? Wall-E?

Apparently not.

Queen Latifah is one classy broad. And talented too. That blue dress is fabulous. I love that she can pull off a fishtail gown without looking silly.

Ok, so I’ve decided that I can never see Slumdog. It is now so hyped up that if I see it, it will only disappoint me. Therefore, I will not be seeing it. Really, who remembers the winners at the Oscars? It’s all about the fashion anyway.

Ron Howard was robbed. Next time, I say he wears his baseball hat.

Sofia Loren looks DAMN good for a 70 year old woman. And Halle Berry looks fabulous for a new mom. Nicole Kidman is proof that tall girls aren’t always gawky and uncomfortable.

If you haven’t seen The Reader, do so. Then you will understand why Kate Winslet truly deserved the award. If you disagree, suck it.

Oh, Bobby DeNiro, you slay me. I think you should be English because then you can be introduced like Sir Ben Kingsley. I wish they had a camera backstage to show if Adrian Brody sexually assaulted Halle Berry again.

I really need to see Milk.

So overall, I that it was a good show. It had a lot of emotion, a lot of drama, and some really entertaining elements. I don’t think it was as surprising as they were making it out to be, but getting some of the best actors in the business to appear is, of course, always great to see. I’m really glad that Kate Winslet and Heath Ledger won because they are the only two I actually cared about.

Now, I’m going to get all of that seriousness out of me by watching something stupid. It’s between Bring It On and Footloose. How will I choose?!

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