Sunday, October 5, 2008

A new pink DVD player that represents the lameness that is my life...

About 6 months ago, my four year old DVD player that cost about 30 bucks finally took a crap on me. The audio worked, but the video didn't, which kind of defeats the point of having a DVD player. I mean, if I don't want to see the action, then I'll just listen to the radio. (And I don't care what people think, sometimes I really enjoy listening to talk radio. I stress the "sometimes.")

Anyway, I finally bought a new one today at Target. I wasn't going to but it was only $38 and come on, pink? The only way it could have been more me would be if it was purple and came with a free Wizard of Oz DVD. I was very excited to find that it actually works. If it lasts for 4 years like my other one then it will have been totally worth it!!!

The sad part about it is that this new pink DVD player is the most exciting thing that's happened in a long time. I am sitting here, writing about how excited I am about buying a new pink DVD player. I really doubt that it gets more pathetic than this.

I keep thinking back to when I moved up to Berkeley and how lonely I was my first semester. I really hated that I was away from my family and friends and I realized for the first time how hard it was to make friends. I really didn't start going out and having fun until my second semester, when I had friends established and I could focus on learning rather than my loneliness. I think my third semester was the first one where I was happy and really didn't notice it, and then my last semester was the happiest. Even though I knew I was leaving, I made the most of it. I did well and I made some great friends.

Then I moved back home. Don't get me wrong, the first month or two was good. I missed Hoyt like crazy and I missed my girls, but I was glad to be home and to be able to turn off my brain and just work without having to worry about papers or finals or rent. I also reconnected with some of my old friends and made a few new ones. It was going well.

Then, right before my LSAT, i began to realize just how unhappy I really was. I saw that the friends I had had for almost my whole life were either exactly the same and going nowhere, or they were making huge life changes, like getting married or surviving cancer. With the friends whose lives were changing, I felt left out. I had nothing to contribute and no real place. With the friends who were the same, I realized that it did nothing for me to hang out with them. I felt worse when I was with them because I wasn't being myself. As bitchy as it is to say, I was dumbing myself down to fit in, and I am not ok with doing that.

So now, I'm back where I was my first semester in Berkeley. My friends are not here and I feel like I have no one to hang out with. The only friend I feel like I have here is someone I worked at Starbucks with who now works for AAA and has an opposite schedule as me so we never get to hang out.

So, for now, I just have to be happy that I have a new best friend to spend time with: a pretty pink DVD player!

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